Sunday, October 31, 2010

Angels

I have never been one to believe in such self indulgent and self reassuring concepts as that of guardian angels. Many times in the past I've had to put up with scientifically challengeable narrations of how people felt protected in a hard or dangerous situation, as if someone was "watching over them". We have all heard these kinds of stories in pretty much every culture. For me, I've heard it in English, "guardian angels", in Spanish "angeles de la guarda" and, of course, in Italian "angeli custodi". So I reached the conclusion that these sorts of beliefs were just a way to pat oneself on the shoulder, to give one self a hug in lack of anyone else doing you the favor, a sort of self comforting theory to cling to when one needs to believe they're not alone. Which, unfortunately, they are.
For some reason, not too hard to understand, we do not like to feel alone, and this is where a lot of trouble and misplaced theories of life start. Because of man's inability to handle and accept the fact that ultimately, we ARE alone, and nobody, not even our husbands, wives, parents or kids can do anything to change this fact.
So, along with many other religions, support groups, philosophies and simple beliefs, the concept of "guardian angel" is just another way to cope with loneliness. At the cost of sounding materialistic and offending a few people who so strongly trust in them.
Now, why am I burdening you with all this?
Well, as it often happens, sometimes, our most positive convictions are shaken to the very core. This happens to everybody, I guess, even to scientists and atheists, at some point in their life, something will happen to them that will, if not change, at least shake their rationales.
Now I am not an atheist and hardly a scientist. I am quite the opposite in fact, but I've still always been the type to not just embark in those "faith only based" journeys. I guess you could say I'm like Saint Thomas, I am willing to do the walk, but I need to know why and it's gotta make sense. This has been an obstacle to my peace of mind many times in my life. I need proof and I need a  reason if I'm gonna bend or change myself for something. I guess I'm just not a follower, it doesn't come easy for me.
But back to the main reason I'm even typing this. A few days ago I experienced one of those mystic feelings I have heard tales about for so long.
I found myself lost and in danger and somehow I came out of it alive and happy. It seemed as if everybody around me had been warned "hey this girl needs help, you better do something about it".
So I made it. I was able to not only survive it but find so much help from the people around me, strangers who didn't have to help me. It felt like I was in this "safe bubble" in the middle of chaos, where I was untouchable and where everything was laid out for me so that I didn't have to worry. It felt, I guess, as if I was not alone, not even for a minute.
At the end of the day, the craziest one in my life I could say, I learned a few lessons and I even had some fun. I learned the other side of America, the one where people are not as rich, maybe they go around with a grocery bag as a purse, they peel apples with a knife at the bus station, they dress however the hell they want, they sing in the metro and, most importantly, they HELP each other. They have this notion that they need to help just as much as they need help. I learned that modest means people are more helpful than rich pricks. I learned that they are more free too. There's freedom in poverty I guess.
I learned that you're never alone, even when it certainly seems so. I learned that, no matter what happens to you, what counts ultimately, is your attitude. The way you face mishaps, tragedy, disappointment, loss. Attitude is everything. A good attitude will take you a long way and it might help you make the best of everything and learn some valuable lessons in life.
So, I guess my guardian angel did a good job, after all... ;-)
Sonia.

Monday, October 25, 2010

Mi diverto con poco

Come mi piace scrivere quando ho ospiti in casa. Il motivo e' molto semplice: e' come guardare una stanza, la stessa stanza che guardi da anni, da un punto diverso. E' come mettersi con le braccia conserte in un altro angolino, dove non ti siedi mai, e fissare le stesse sedie, lo stesso tavolo, gli stessi quadri, le fotografie. Da li si vedono alcune molliche di pane cadute sul pavimento di cui non ti eri mai accorto prima o magari c'e' anche qualche ragnatela sul soffitto che ci avresti giurato che l'avevi pulito bene...
Altre volte capita che ti accorgi di un piccolo particolare, l'intagliatura di una sedia, un pezzettino di legno scheggiato del tavolo, un anello creduto perso che invece era li sotto quella poltrona per tutto quel tempo. 
Sono bei momenti quelli. E' come rimescolare un po' la stessa zuppa che mangi tutte le sere e magari cambia un po' sapore. 
La mia mente si annoia facilmente e devo tenerla sempre impegnata. Percio' adoro quando posso darle qualcosa di diverso da fare, come guardare la realta' attraverso gli occhi degli altri, soprattutto quelli di qualcuno che osserva le tue sedie, il tuo tavolo e i tuoi quadri, per la prima volta. I particolari che notera'...su cosa si concentrera'? Cosa gli piacera' di quella sedia e cosa gli sembrera' strano di quel tavolo? E poi parlarne per ore. Mi diverto con poco.